The Roller Derby Queen

What would your Roller Derby name be?

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. Not that I need one, but having a bad-ass alter-ego name in your arsenal is pretty awesome. Awesome in my daydreams, anyway. When I pretend I’m awesome.

It seems there is quite a shortage of appropriate puns for derby names. I wouldn’t want something brazenly sexy. That’s not really my style, even in the alter-ego universe. But you need a good combination of femininity and sass. Most of the good names are taken. Apparently there is some sort of derby name database? Like thoroughbred race horses. There can’t be two derby girls with the same name. Fascinating. Am I right?


Many of my childhood birthdays were spent at the skating rink. And my friends’ birthdays. And other days. But somehow I escaped childhood without being able to do very simple things on roller skates.

Stopping, for example. But surely I’m not the only gal who leaped off onto the carpet or skated directly into the carpeted wall to stop. Later in life, I went skating on the local paved walking trail with my baby girl and used the brake on the jogging stroller excessively. 

I also never mastered the beautiful cross-over that skaters do in the turns. It’s like my brain knows my legs are way too short for those sorts of fancy moves.

When an old friend decided to take up roller derby for real, my own shortcomings kept nagging me. Skating was an activity that I did quite often (way back when) but never came close to mastering. 

Well. I was annoyed. I tend to get annoyed when there is something I feel like I should be able to do, but can’t. And if you knew my family, you would think I would at least be competent on a pair of roller skates.

roller skates

Personal challenge accepted.

I’ve been skating a lot this week. 4 times. I am so tired.

I’ve been wearing pads. Since I’ve been skating with actual gals who play actual roller derby, I don’t feel quite so silly in my safety gear. I told my kids that I’m allowed to wear pads because I’m old. When I fall it actually makes a sound. And it tends to hurt a little more. 

I’m working on being comfortable on my skates, and learning multiple ways to stop.  Derby girls are kind and helpful. Really. Not that intimidating up close (though I haven’t seen them at a bout, yet). Lots of the skaters are moms, too. That’s comforting. 

I don’t have plans to join up and play, but I fully intend to improve my skating and enjoy the company of actual roller derby girls while I do it. I can skate with my friend, I can skate with the derby girls, I can skate alone, or I can skate with my family. So many options for so many moods!

I’m learning that the activities that frighten me the most are often the most rewarding. 

I’ll keep it up. I will probably never be dancing in the center of the rink to Thriller or be able to skate backwards (in rhythm) for an entire song, but I hope to skate well enough that my silly socks and pom-poms will become unremarkable. 

So, what’s your roller derby name?

You know you’ve thought about it. Tell me in the comments.


  1. I *have* thought a lot about this. When the time comes, I’d have to go with either Terra Belle or Dee Tention. Maybe some play on an 80s band if it comes up between now and then.

    What might YOURS be? :)

    • Terra Belle. Love it!!
      I’ve been falling asleep thinking about this, lately. Derby names and where I’m gonna plant my beans. Really important stuff.
      I’m thinking a play on a literary character, but haven’t thought of anything great.

      I should concentrate on being a decent skater first.
      Last night I was skating really fast, took the corners tight, and impressed the speed coach.
      Turns out I was dreaming. 😉

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